September 11th, Columbia University, Obama, McCain, and Tony Clifton

Yesterday I had Hebrew Class in the morning, followed by History of the Renaissance. I was itching to leave early from my History Class as I was going to interview Tony Clifton (the lounge singer made famous by Andy Kaufman). As soon as I got out of class I ran outside to attempt to flag a taxi. I did not see any downtown traffic maybe because McCain and Obama were visiting my school and the streets were blocked off. People already were starting to sworm the campus and every news network camped in front of the gates of Columbia. I took the 1 train downtown and transferred at 96th street for the 2 express. The trains were taking forever which is the way it works if you are running late. I finally got to 42nd street and I saw the cameras, Steph Sabelli and Carmen Mufungo. I wrote questions in advance and submitted them which I was going to read. When I got there they asked me, "Rosie do you want to ask any questions?" So I asked one of my questions to find that someone had already used my question that I wrote. I figured maybe because I was late someone used my material. No big deal, Tony Clifton was really nice about it but asked the girl who used my material if she was a comedian...Probably, because my questions were funny. Oh well, just my luck....Steph Sabelli rocked the interview, she was made for the role and in my opinion, she is one of the best actresses out there. I still got to meet Tony Clifton and shake hands with a brilliant man.

After the shoot, I raced back uptown on the train for my third class, University Writing. I got there ten minutes early and sat in class all alone. I thought, that's strange, I am the only one here today! Is this a practical joke? Did they go on a class trip without me? I called my classmate Kat, and found out that David (our teacher who prefers to be called by his first name) sent an email out cancelling class. He did not want to deal with the "Obama McCain Carnival" (I don't blame him). I walked over to the steps of the Library where people have been waiting for a good seat to see Obama on the giant screen. The people in the same room with Obama, Toby McGuire (Spiderman) McCain, Gov. of New York, and other really important people were randomly chosen by a lottery. I actually liked being outside better watching all of the student's reactions. I met some young boys and told them stories about some of the most insane artists I have ever seen, Mangina and Nate Chop. They freaked out, "There's a Mangina on the loose!" Actually, I think I am going to write another blog about Mangina and Nate Chop Chop. I also was in the company of Reina Terror (another fellow Columbia student who breathes fire and other dangerous sideshow stunts), Taiyoshi (my nice from from Kingsborough Community College) and Kat. One thing I noticed is that Obama is becoming a celebrity, anything he says people clap and agree. Don't get me wrong I like Obama but I hate when people clap because they agree with something. For a long time I have been forming my political opinions, but I know that I am not a republican! I believe in social reforms and my favorite president of all time, FDR made several reforms, he drafted 100 bills in his first 100 days of office including unemployment insurance, social security, and other welfare benefits. FDR also built up the economy into a state of prosperity. There is one kid in my Hebrew class who said he likes McCain because McCain is for the workers. I wanted to scream at him, "Do you work!" I refrained from screaming at him, what does he know about work, his parents probably took care of the bill while goes to one of the most elite schools in the world. He was probably born with a silver spoon in his mouth and believes that poor people don't work. One thing that really upset me living in New York was when I saw a man eating out of a garbage can with no shoes on. Who would give a man with no shoes a job? Who knows what has happened to him in his lifetime that made this way. I truly believe that some people don't have a chance at life because no one ever told them what they were capable of. It is not fair that we live in a world where people die of curable diseases, go without proper education, shelter, food, water and clothing every person should be entitled to these things while others did nothing to deserve their status as they were born into a privledged lifestyle. Some people never got the help and just need the encouragement. At the end of the night we were going to leave early to beat the insanity of thousands of people trying to leave at once when I asked a man with a name tag, "Who does the lawn here?" I have been admiring the lawn and shrubbery at Columbia for some time. You can tell whoever cuts the lawn takes pride in their job because it is one beautiful lawn. As I was about to leave, the man with the name tag, "Philip..." said, "Stick around it might get interesting here." I said, "Oh, Obama is going to exit this way..." Okay so I got right in front behind a barracade when thousands of people pushed up behind me. I thought, this is unbelievable what people line up for, just to catch a glimpse of Obama and to watch him walk by. By the time I thought, Okay I've waited long enough, I didn't care this much to see Obama there were thousands of people behind me and I couldn't go anywhere. I started talking to one of the Deans at my school, I asked him, "How do I find out who let me in this school, I want to send them a fruit basket!" I guess I am interested in the admissions process and what it was that these people agreed to let me into one of the finest institutions in the world. I am grateful to go to Columbia University, where Obama graduated from in 1983 and other really important people. By the way, what a great idea, Obama must have slipped out the back door but he created a distraction and kept us all waiting.

Stand-up Comedienne

I moved to New York nearly five years ago to pursue my dream of becoming a comedienne. I learned a great deal from stand up comedy over the years. There is no other art form that breaks you and builds you up at the same time. What kind of people subject themselves to recieve approval from a group of strangers? Performers are trying to win over the approval that they didn't receive from their parents or the most popular kids in high school. A healthy person has nothing to prove they can sit in a room without being the center of attention. I have been inspired by performers and also have witnessed the depths of desperation. Over the years, I have seen some of the most outrageous characters in New York City in the New York "Art Star" (term coined by Rev. Jen) scene. These are some of the most interesting characters and sociopaths I have ever met. They have inspired me to think outside the box as a comedienne.

After meeting the Art Stars, somehow stand up seemed so selfish, forced and boring. Then I started doing sketch comedy, funny dances, incorporating props and finally rollerskates into my act integrated with stand-up.

For the next few years, while I attend Columbia University, I have decided to do limited live performances and begin to build my own internet show. I worked with Peter Bernard and loved his work ethic and his love of making art. I filmed several short sketches with Peter and my first one recieved huge hits on YouTube. In the first days of being posted, I had over 15,000 hits. My sketch was rated #11 comedy in India then moved to #4 comedy in India. The ratings kept increasing and people loved the video.
Here are some statistics:

#71 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy - Canada#75 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy - United Kingdom#82 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy - Ireland#24 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy - India#76 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy#77 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy - Mexico#77 - Most Viewed (Today) - Comedy - Hong Kong#23 - Top Favorites (Today)#5 - Top Favorites (Today) - Comedy#29 - Top Rated (Today)#7 - Top Rated (Today) - Comedy#38 - Top Rated (This Week) - Comedy

Then some jealous person or uptight Asshole went and flagged my video, which resulted in youtube taking my video off of charts. I am showing no more skin than a girl would at the beach. I was amazed at how many people see a pair of boobies and try to click on them. However, once they were in, they loved the video...read the comments and watch.
I hope you enjoy it!





Best,
Rosie Rebel

Mustaches and Midgets

If I was a dude I would totally grow a mustache, and not just any mustache, I would rock a handle bar. If I see someone with a handle bar mustache it is like seeing a midget, you want to just keep one.

I wanted to have a midget dancer for my show so I called LPA "Little People Association" and asked if there are any midget dancers and they asked me, "Why a little person?" My answer was "I want people from all different backgrounds to be a part of my show!" The truth is, how cute is it too see a cute little pair of kicking legs.

Back to Mustache's I found an international club for proud handle bar mustacheteers, unbelievable!
See for yourself:
http://www.handlebarclub.co.uk/eugallery.shtm
This guy is by far the winner of the handlebar, the prize...his own mustache: http://www.jbphotodesign.de/neueSeiten/bart/baertiges.html

One Art

I loved this poem. A lot of life is about losing, although some losses you never get over. It seems like just reading the poem that she gets over the loss, "even losing you..."
However when I heard her voice fill with sadness when she read One Art, shows me that there are some losses you never get over.. The death of a loved one by hard the most difficult.

This semester I lost my book....I got so upset, and my boyfriend said it's only a book. I thought it was an expensive thoughtless mistake. Then, I lost my grandfather this semester. I keep thinking about him, and then I realize that he is gone. I cannot imagine what my grandmother is going through, he was her life. My grandmother said,"As you get older death slaps you in the face." Now losing my book seems like no tradgedy.

Just like in the poem ...first she lost her keys then cities...etc...then the loss of a loved one "DISASTER"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What should I do about this problem?

It's like every time I try to Google myself horses names pop up..
What should I do about this problem? I mean I love animals but it's getting to be a bit much.
This is some press I thought I was reading about myself but then it turned out to be a dog.
"Rosie has a unique combination of good looks, superb athletic ability, ... Rebel is very athletic and intelligent. She is an excellent gun dog and a great ..." It's sad that I'm competing with animals for my own fame.
Help!
-Rosie Rebel

Do you ever wish you could change your face just for a day? Do you ever have a face off in the morning with the person in the mirror, "You again!" Great another pimple, this one has three heads. Get out of my life you son of a bitch. You ever mess with a pimple and it just comes back stronger like it's been pumping steroids all night?
Happens to me all the time. Do you ever see a girl that's so pretty and you say, "Hey how'd you get so pretty?" If you're ugly forget it, you're going to love from a distance. Maybe you're prettier on the inside but nobody looks at your insides. I guess the moral of the story is don't piss GOD off and he can smile down on your kids.

Mother's Day Poem To Mother Nature

Photo:
This is an example of how humans pollute their front yards. Taken in Brooklyn

In honor of the one day when it is necessary to show appreciation to a mother to all of us
MOTHER NATURE!

Dear Mother Nature
Happy Mother’s Day!
I got you a hallmark card because I feel like nothing says I love you more than a third party corporation telling you how I feel on fancy paper. This year only the best for you, Hallmark.

Our love for you is as pure as the air we breathe with the exception of the air quality in NY, NJ, and TEXAS which is seven times below what the federal government's standards.
Mama Nature you nurtured us, provided for us, and put your needs aside so we all could trample all over you.

Thank your fresh water you give that we’ve turned brown with oil, fecal matter, antifreeze, and pesticides. There is a solution to clean water, just add chlorine. I thought of that while I was letting the water run while I was brushing my teeth. And I don’t just appreciate fresh water but also salt water…thank you for the oceans where else can you go to swim with fish and pee at the same time. Thank You for the chicken of the sea dolphin safe tuna fish. I like to eat a sandwich without having the guilt of thinking what if I hurt a dolphin. If it weren’t for oceans where would we dump our garbage besides Staten Island? Where would the polar bear club swim? I vote for keeping the oceans.

Thank You for all the beautiful animals. I think it’s safe to say everyone loves animals whether it be for eating or hunting. Let’s remember that no animals go to waste because the dead diseased ones are grinded up and fed to the other animals which we eat so no wasting there. The fur is used to make rich people look richer. I don’t see what the problem with hunting is. In some places it’s so cold and dark that people suffer with Seasonal Affective Disorder from lack of sunlight and they have to club baby seals just to get by. If it’s going to be a person suffering or a baby seal I’ll put my money on the person with the money. I myself love animals I like to go visit the animals in jail ..I mean the zoo I like the convenience of knowing they are always there just in case I have the urge to see them. Sometimes I feel slightly guilty about taking away the grass that animals eat but come on we need places to walk imagine the world without sidewalks. There are some animals I wouldn’t mind seeing less of like rats, pigeons, or bunnies under my wheel.

Thank You for the beautiful sunsets there is nothing more beautiful than a sunset obstructed by many skyscrapers and one verizon symbol to commercialize lower Manhattan (this really pisses me off).

Thank You for the sun without it I get a little depressed.

Thank You for the Stars which I know exist but haven’t seen in a while.

Thank you for your beautiful mountains that we bomb through with dynamite. We need those roads to get to places. Let's face it every single person is someone going somewhere whether it be walmart or star bucks. A big thank You for all your herbs that can be used medicinally or for pure recreation. I wish I knew a Navajo medicine man? Does anyone know a Navajo man?

Thank You for Your Beautiful flowers for us to cut down. Without flowers battered wives would probably be more sad, somehow flowers in a vase make everything better, even if it‘s just for a few days. Thank You for Rose’s without them I would have no name…Rose meaning the sweetest flower…You can keep your carnations though I don’t like spray painted flowers.
The biggest shot out of all to mother nature for giving us our favorite thing to cut down. No not rainforests but trees everywhere! We need the space and resources to build our strip malls. Can you imagine a world without McDonalds, Payless shoe source, Marshalls, Borders, and Costco? I think the American Indians had this idea but we got rid of them real fast. I couldn’t live in a world without stores because I need things and I need them now. I don’t have the time to do the hunting or the sewing myself because I work hard making copies and answering phones really I’m just changing the world one salutation at a time. Without tree cutting I couldn’t waste as many napkins as I do. Let’s not forget the most important thing without trees we wouldn’t have the oxygen to breathe to be able to cut down more trees to make money. Let’s face it we need money. Money keeps the world going around. Some people love money more than GOD, more than their families, they even love money more than love. Some people spend their whole lives trying to get money, some people have more money than they could ever spend they should share some of that money with unfortunates like myself that did not have the foresight to have been born wealthy. With a little more money than I have I could get braces continue to make the world a better place one smile at a time, but now I only have a half of smile. I saddens me to say it but in some countries money is even more important that people’s lives and if you don’t believe me try to get a doctor’s appointment with no money or health insurance.
My lovely mother nature, I regret to inform you that the only reward of motherhood is watching your children grow, drain, build, dump, and shit all over you. If you can’t shit on your family then who can you shit on?
I’m going to celebrate this mothers by giving you this hallmark card that I paid $ 3.95 for and I’m going to throw give it to you by throwing it on the ground. Mother Nature this mother’s day you will be showered love in litter form with used condoms, banana peels, soda cans, you name it they’ll throw it.